How often do you “should” yourself or others? Or they should do better or they should know better or they should know better? Interestingly, “shoulding” is really shaming ourselves and others isn’t good for anyone.
Studies show that shame is bad for our mental health, increasing anxiety and depression and decreasing motivation and goal achievement.
So what moves us forward and out and the “shoulding” zone?Frist, become aware – listen to the way you talk to yourselves and others. Catch yourself shoulding.
Second, be kind to yourself, we are all a work in progress and changing our patters of thinking takes time. Next, wonder about the should, how does it make me feel? Is it helpful, true, and motivating?
IF not exploring shifting language – maybe could, would, choose or want would be better words to use.Finally act.
Make a point to stop rephrase.For example, I should stop shoulding on myself becomes – I will stop shoulding on myself!
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