I'm Kathy Snyder, director of the Midland Area Wellbeing Coalition. I want to share a Life Hack #80 Banning "Always" and "Never."
Early in our marriage, my husband and I watched a documentary that advised against using "always" and "never" during disagreements. Statements like "You always leave your shoes here" or "You never do this" are extreme and unhelpful. We decided to call each other out when one of us used these words, which helped diffuse tension with a bit of humor.
I've also applied this to other areas of my life. For example, saying, "I never follow through on New Year's resolutions," isn't true. Maybe I did for a few days, so it's not "never." It might just mean the resolution wasn't right for me, and that's okay. This approach adds grace and reality to my self-talk and relationships, making me kinder to myself and others.
Using "always" and "never" can drive wedges in relationships and harm our self-worth. It's better to recognize that no situation is that extreme. Even with positive traits like kindness, it's unrealistic to say, "I'm always kind." We are all works in progress, so aiming for "mostly" or "usually" is more realistic.
Try on this life hack in relationships with self and others to use sticky notes in my car or desk to remind myself to use words like "sometimes" or "usually" instead. This shift supports a growth mindset, allowing space for change and improvement. By avoiding "always" and "never," we leave room for growth in ourselves and our relationships.
